Before I started typing this entry for today, I was worrying if it was a good idea to continue to be this honest about my day to day struggles with depression. Is this not bad for my "brand". Am I shooting myself in the foot here? I don't know, I might be. However, I also think it's vital that people see this, and understand how many people are going through this.
I just happen to have the luxury of doing it from home.
Steven only fell asleep at about 22:00 last night, I lay with him until that time so by the time he was asleep, my night was over so I went to bed. Not a bad thing, as it meant I woke up feeling relatively refreshed when he got up at 6:30. He was grumpy because he hadn't slept enough but I managed to get him giggling by the time his dad left to take him to school.
I decide not to go back to bed, make a cup of coffee and get out the notebook. It's raining outside so between making notes and drinking coffee, I watch the rain, hoping it will rain enough to help the drought a bit before summer officially arrives. Starting to get cold, so I continue to write from bed. I watch a couple of Gary V episodes to spark some motivation, make some good notes and to-do's, and suddenly, feeling very overwhelmed at 9am, I close my eyes and fall asleep.
Awake at 11am again, and in front of my laptop. I see the money I have been putting aside into my savings account to keep it safe was taken my FNB for outstanding fees. Didn't know they could just take my savings, so now I'm pissed and feeling seriously down. My brain - "even when you try to do the right thing, you get screwed".
Along with being pissed about FNB just taking my savings, I'm also pissed at myself for feeling so sorry for myself. I deactivate my Facebook account so that I can "unplug" from everything, and set my Whatsapp to Do not Disturb. I need to focus, and take action, before my whole freakin life falls apart. Dammit Keri, you're better than this shit, get it together!
I reactivated Facebook just 30 minutes later, because, well I need it to do business. My pages cannot go unattended and I can't just disappear. It is now 2pm, and I have sent a whole bunch of emails for Power Woman Project and setup our calendar of events for 2018, so feeling great about that! A plan is made and further planning can go into making the courses amazing. YES! Feeling awesome. Here comes the anxiety, oh yes, I forgot to take my meds. Ok check, sorted.
There's still 3 hours of this day left before I start the "mom shift". The plan is to reply to some emails, do whatever else is outstanding to ease the anxiety of knowing I have things pending, get dressed, and tidy the house. I'm also going to attempt to get dinner going before I leave to fetch Steven if I can, just means that one more thing has been dealt with.
I plan on working on my courses tonight too and sorting out some bookings for talks.
Not a horrible day, a little better than yesterday, but I managed to pull myself off the cliff, so I can call it a successful day.
Go back to the Blog home page and read my previous entries
Do NOT tell a depressed person that they have nothing to be sad about.